I originally posted this on November 20, 2020 as a culmination of posts I made on my social media in support of Trans Awareness Week.
I am reprinting here because Medium is a better … medium … to post longer form content.
What I am about to post is opening up something very private, very personal, and it is not done lightly.
This does not come easy — and I do not do it for Attention or seeking personal validation. I say it because I realized that my silence on the matter may be personally protective and comfortable, but that I can do far more good for others by breaking that silence.
Some friends may know, some may not: I am trans.
Back when I transitioned in 1989, it was pretty standard practice — you transition, you change your documents, you get your surgery, you do you best to keep your head down, pass for CIS (Cisgender or CIS refers to a person who is not trans — whose gender identity matches the gender they were assigned at birth) and fade into anonymity.
Back then, the concepts of gender were more rigid and binary — but early pioneers such as Christine Jorgensen,
Rene Richards, Wendy Carlos, and the reluctant Caroline Cossey, and early pioneers in the medical and psychological realms (the surgeons and psychologists who recognized that trans people existed and that medical and social transition could improve and even save lives) these early pioneers had set a stage that said “there is male and female and what you are born as but you can choose to ‘change sides’ if you’re not happy with the hand that life dealt you”
Note that being trans was not a choice (it is not a choice to BE trans by anyone. It is something you really are born with) but doing something about it absolutely was and is a choice. Possibly the most important and affirming yet also terrifying choice a person can make. I realized around 16 what I was, and I started “getting my ducks in a row” so that when I hit 18 (the earliest any doctor at the time would even consider treating you for gender dysphoria), I set about correcting what I saw as the birth defect of being assigned male at birth.
At 21, I had done all of that successfully… and for just under 3 decades, I have sat quietly in the background living as my authentic self — with my (mostly) CIS passing privilege and my court sealed birth records.
For years, I watched happily from the sidelines seeing slow but steady progress; watching as trans became better the binary become seen more as a complete spectrum (trans, demi, nonbinary, gender non conforming, genderqueer, genderfluid, and recognition of the whole intersex spectrum) .. I watched happily as outdated terms such as “transsexual” were replaced with more inclusive and less sexualizing/fetishizing terms under a “transgender” umbrella. — I watched happily as things progressed , and I too learned and evolved as a person who I had dated (and who presented female at the time) came out as genderfluid and later realized he was a trans man and has gone on his own journey of transition.
But I hid — I hid my past as something I was ashamed of. I admit it — I absolutely was ashamed of it. And this is where I get at my recent realizations: I spent many many years shamed of what amounts to an accident of birth. I lived openly as a lesbian, but I hid my trans status except for cases where revealing my past might be of help to someone going through their own gender identity questions / issues who needed an understanding ear.
NOTE AHEAD: This is not politics, it’s about morals…
However, watching the Trump administration and the right wing push back hard against progress, I started to realize that my silence might be keeping me safe but that I was in a place of privilege — a place where I was safe but others were in fear / in danger.
So as part of #TransAwarnessWeek2020, I choose to “out” myself all over again — to open myself to possible discrimination / harassment (though If you have an issue with me or any of this I will gladly show you the door I will give no quarter to bigots / transphobia)
I am trans.
This is what Trans looks like.
I do not choose to wear my trans identity on my sleeve / shove it in anyone’s face, but it’s something I’ve been through and I will not be ashamed of who I am and I will not be ashamed of the journey I took.
And most of all to anyone out there who has ever questioned their gender / identity / sexuality etc.. I say from the bottom of my heart: wherever you are on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum — you are my family — you are valid — you deserve to live your life without fear, without shame, without harassment. You deserve to be your authentic self.
If this helps even one person in some small way, it is worth it.
